A random citizen in the U.S. that has only 3 friends named Jolene Jenkins has just been named Tennis Shoe Rockers’ Biggest Fan! This happened because she went crazy when she realized that Bandon was the new lead singer, and Bandon used to be lead singer for the Vans Ventriloquists (her previous favorite band). TNN interviewed Jenkins at her ceremony: “He is such a good singer! But let’s talk about Brandon. He was so bad, he tripped every time he sung a word. He was ugly, and still is as a ghost. I think that ostrich knew what he was doing.” TNN reporters found this feedback very offensive, but who cares about us, right? Jolene Jenkins currently lives in the city prison nearest to Bandon’s home with her -2 kids and -8 husbands.

The government has planned to build around 10 more pirate ships to guard the coast around Arizona. A spokesperson for the government said that “they have planned to have the boats operational by 2023.” The pirate ships will be able to travel around 500 nautical miles, slightly faster than the current ships. The newspaper did a pole and 80% of the citizens  favored higher funding for the U.S. Navy. These boats can double as cargo carrying ships and war boats. The design came from Desmalio Higorio, who has spent three years designing these exceptionally advanced boats. The most important reason for these new boats being built is the threat of Persians attacking the Greece and cutting of their access to the sea. The new pirate ships were made entirely out of wood with 25 oars on each side. They will help keep Arizona safe and better protected from danger and enemies that want to harm Arizona. Many prototypes have been made, so we are not sure about which one the will pick to make. Although the most talked about one, will be the most expensive sailboat ever made. It will be cost over $100,000,000 and will be way more expensive than the previous models.

If you life is New Jersey you already know about this story, but it is just very important for everybody in the World to know about. So last Thursday, the Mayor of the capitol of New Jersey came with his massive collection of hamsters, about a thousand. And he was going to help them cut the cloth to open up the new public zoo, but while the hamsters were trying to cut the cloth somebody took a picture of them, and it made a large flash. This surprised the hamsters and it made all the hamsters cut all of their hairs of with the scissors and they were buck-naked. They all became super angry and began to chew up hundreds of citizens starting with the guy who took the photo. But, eventually the mayor was able to use his Sucker-Machine2000, created by PETA, to suck up all the hamsters and spit them back into their cage. This was a terrible incident and they will make sure this doesn’t happen again!

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