Category: U.S.

TNN is Raiding Area 51 on September 20th! – Announcement!

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Us at TNN are care very much about the world, so our site will be closed on the 20th, but there is another reason for this as well. Us as TNN News will be storming Area 51 in the Area 51 Raid. Ownernick will be a Kyle, Samesqurriely will be a tactical sniper, and the rest of us will be Naruto Runners to quickly dodge bullets and get into the base to try and quickly get into the Area 51 base. We will see all the aliens, the long lost dads, the real-life shreks, and we will find that all 4-wheel working cart! We will post what we experiences during the raid on September 21st, 2019 as the site will be down on the 20th.

-Ownernick

Hewlett-Packard (or HP) gets taken over by Mustard Man, inc.!

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On September 10, 2019, HP requested to take over Mustard Man, inc., a brand new tech company. Mustard Man, inc. decided to double-cross them, so HP would be owned by Mustard Man, inc.! Mustard Man, inc.’s next target is Toshiba, so watch out Toshiba! The Mustard Man is coming! The new Mustard Man laptop looks exactly like an HP laptop, but whenever you buy mustard on it, the mustard is free and delivered by the Mustard Man! It also comes in only shades of yellow (and one shade of gray because why not). The Mustard Man laptop features the Mustard filter on their webcam, mustard-textured keys, and a cup of mustard with every laptop sold and ordered! Mustard Man, inc. also sells a mustard-textured case; you can get one with your purchase for 1 cent extra! If I were you, I would order 10 Mustard Man laptops now! Like, RIGHT NOW!!!

Dr. Drundistreckurle – The most EVIL Doctor of all!

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Have you heard of David Drundistreckurle? Well today I am going to tell you about this evil person of evilness, who is also a doctor. He grew up in a small Middle-Class family in Oregon, but his dad kicked him out of the house because of how obese David was, the dad didn’t want to deal with that. Drundisteckurle later found a possum near a street and he ripped off it’s fur and turned into a piece of fur. Him turning this piece of fur into a piece of fur made him famous, but he abused his power and destroyed many humans by tearing their skin off and turning their skin into skin. But, Dr. Drundistreckurle’s plans were cut short as he fell off a stick and died lol.

The Non-Fiction Truth about the Mustard Man! – Do you believe it??

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Have you of the Mustard Man? Well I will tell you about him today. He is a naked stocky man with mustard covered all over his body, he also has no arms. Every other Thurdays he drives in his green tractor to deliver mustard to all the children who come by the wheat field in the boring part of Calfornia. It might be a long drive, but it is worth it for all the free mustard from this yellow fellow. There are many conspiracies about the Mustard Man and his dark past. Some people think that he used to be John Wilkes Booth due to his similar mustace, but this is proven incorrect because these people are stupid because John Wilkes Booth is dead. But, we can all agree, now matter what his part is, he is a great guy just doing something for all to enjoy!

Joe Buckaroo (Guy who blew up Turkey) SPOTTED! – In Florida eating from a trash can…

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This is BREAKING NEWS! Joe Buckaroo, the evil man who blew up all of Turkey, was recently spotted eating from a Trash can in Turkey. Thanks to John Buthuwt for giving us this amazing info. It is unclear if this was actually Joe, because John didn’t give us any photographic evidence that it was in fact Joe, or if he even saw Joe in the first place, but I digress. It also just could’ve been some random hobo, I mean it was Florida so you never know. But, We saw later that John sent us another message stating that he saw Joe talking to this guy who looked a lot like Putin and he had a name tag that said “Putin Puten”. We don’t know what this means quite yet, but if the name Putin Puten sounds even a tiny bit familiar please contact us so we can catch this guy!

TNN News articles predict the Future? | You won’t believe this!

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Do TNN News predict the future? The answer is absolutely YES! And you better believe it because I have gosh darn prove of it as well! On the last article the next day someone blew up all of Turkey and if you don’t believe me you are absolutely correct to not because I am lying. But, All the articles will happen in the World at some point, even if it is in 1,000’s of years. Well actually techniquely no since we will all be dead by then, but that was an exaggerating ya’ bigot! So, in conclusion the World will be completely uninhabited by atleast 2150, so ya’, you are gonna die.

CREATIVE PRODUCTS Buys Oklahoma!

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The CREATIVE PRODUCTS buys all of Oklahoma (That one states in the US), but still. They bought a STATE! Oh my goodness! Oklahomans now have to bow down to CREATIVE PRODUCTS as it has taken over the entirety of the state. One guy names Jesus Brians is very upset by this, but he is of very low intelligence and deserves to move to Flordia. CREATIVE PRODUCTS is the only thing in Oklahoma now.

NEW LAW IN OREGON! – JELLO NOW ILLEGAL!

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Attention all Jello consumers of Oregon! On 7/20/2019, Jello will now be illegal due to Oregon finding it disgusting that Jello could be made out of humans, but is made out of other creatures instead. There are bones and hide in humans too, so why not use human bones and hide, this is racist! But, eating Jello in Oregon after 7/20/2019 will result in you getting a fine of $7 Million and a free permanent kick-out to Washington! So, watch out Oregonains!

A Llamacorn Ambush

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A few thousand llama-corns came to the city of Squirrel-Topia and turned it competently rainbow colored. It’s been reported that somebody’s house turned into a llamacorn. No one can figure out why and from where these llamacorn’s are coming from. Scientists say that they came from another planet in our solar system. If so it will prove that there is life on another planet. They would call this planet corn. This theory is called project #1346521467. The space company called Naso is making a mission to see exactly if this theory is true.

TNN WRITES: Anybody can learn at TNN’s new weekly lesson school!

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TNN is developing a WL (weekly learning) school! This online school will post weekly lessons about necessary topics! We have Social Studies, Music, Art, Science, Lunch (yes, lunch), Mathematics, Language Arts, and Spanish! Every lesson includes bonus facts. TNN News WL School will open May 17, 2019 (in 2 days). Everyone’s already raving about it! One of our TNN respondents, angelsexe, was tackled earlier today (3 minutes ago)! The school will be led by me, totallynotfrench, with assistance from other TNN staff members! This school’s gonna be a greeeaaatt one!