Category: U.S.

The secret behind pancakes

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What are pancake really. According to BOB they are cardboard. They are secretly made with paper and trees. That is bad news to the ones with THE PAPER ALLERGY! This is bad. But pancakes do taste great, so this is horrible to all. Here at the pancake hut, Clock says, “We need to find the person who make recipe. we will replace recipe and give good one. Bye, bye old pancake recipe. Ha, ha, ha!” That was strange but maybe true? The recipe needs changing fo it to be good. Hopefully this will be resolved.

Update on Cookies

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The COOKIES are GONE. The Broccoli has reigned supreme with their brussel sprout minions. The have the cookie castle, the milk river and the COOKIE people. Dun, dun, dun! Why must this happen. The horror, the horror! The have the people imprisoned and all the chocolate stolen from cookie ville. More news will come in the future. For now live with Broccoli and veggies.

Joe Biden escapes the White House and runs off into the wilderness!!!

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That’s right people! The 46th president of the United States of America has ran off into the wilderness! It happened earlier today. Biden was eating 3 medium-sized pancakes at 8:37 am in the morning (as usual), when he suddenly stood up, jumped through an open window, and ran away! The SWAT team and the FBI are searching for him as we speak. Let’s hear from some of Biden’s friends about this topic:

“I can’t believe he didn’t finish his pancakes!” – White House cook

“I think I’ll go join him!” – Kamala Harris

“Who are you? And why are you interviewing me?” – Random person on the street

“I’ve never heard of a more beautiful story.” – President Barack Obama

The FBI believed they spotted Biden in Oregon, which is where they are searching right now, while the SWAT team covers the area around the White House. Until Biden is found again, President Donald Trump will be taking his place as we’ve just gotten news that Kamala Harris has gone missing, along with many others with relations to the White House. Let’s just hope the world doesn’t end.

Joe Biden is actually Joe Biden!???: INSANE UNBELIVABLE STORY!!! YOU WON’T BELIEVE!!

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So you know Joe Biden, right? Ya’ know, the 46th president of the United States of America, but something you might not know is that he is actually Joe Biden. That’s right, Joe Biden is in actuality Joe Biden! The government is hiding this fact as if the world knew that Joe Biden was actually Joe Biden they’d be in big trouble, but luckily us at TNN, obviously the most trustworthy news site on the internet indeed knows this fact. Soon I, ownernick, will tell the rest of the world and properly punish the government! Except I won’t because that sounds too hard.

TNN: Secret Guide Discovered

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Just a minute ago I was casually scrolling through TNN, when I came upon 1 of 2 sacred texts. The Secret Guide to TNN, written by Joe Buckaroo. The FBI caught him a while ago, but trust me folks, he isn’t alone.

We sent him a (phishing) link in his email and he clicked on it. We totally didn’t grab his IP address… totally not…. Well, back to the point. We figured out the whole Buckaroo family was behind this, and they’re trying to take down TNN once and for all. If you come across a Buckaroo, make sure to report them to your local authorities immediately. Now, a list of all the Buckaroos:

Joe Buckaroo (sentenced 20 years in prison, escaped soon after with absolutely no help from TNN)

John Buckaroo (Joe’s brother)

Merissa Buckaroo (Joe’s mother)

Gordon Buckaroo (died 19 years ago from a common cold) (Joe’s father)

Fran Buckaroo (Joe’s grandfather, was sentenced to 10 years in prison but escaped during the 6th)

Teresa Buckaroo (Joe’s grandmother)

Grace “Reaper” Buckaroo (Joe’s relative, relation unknown. Could be cousin. Is only 1 1/2 years older than Joe.)

United States bans use of metal straws! OMG!

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The United States decides to ban metal straws after many kids have hit each other with them. This is another blow to those darn environmentalists who want kids to hit each other, and don’t even care about anything but themselves. At a speech today, President Trump said, “Metal straws, more like large flaws, we are going to ban metal straws because 10 little Timmy’s got hurt. This is big news, I wonder if sea turtles agree with this?

After writing this I learned new evidence that supports the band on metal straws! https://www.huffpost.com/entry/woman-dies-after-accidentally-being-impaled-by-metal-straw_n_5d2778dde4b02a5a5d57c428?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANlHTqxc0LxCFRXA1EC_4EuZL7zsZz3o5Jdmu47fboMedDwdcbG94p7zOUIfhfBsBiA50iSbPJgI5hgN1unSorFpL8VYrcm1PotKQdUvUOdg79bcAiNNVAS1rMdOAGp6yQ8dNEtxPj5RKyAI6EgR9F_Mi7GjH-D2ZnFpsFNpGhWh

Statue of Liberty comes to life to help rebuild the White House! – Update

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As you all know, the White House was destroyed after an Autumn VS Fall debate ended up with the entire White House being destroyed, it was since starting rebuilding. In the mean time Trump was living in one of his 1,000 casinos. But, something unexpected happened to speed up the rebuilding of this legendary building. The State of Liberty came to life and rebuilt the White House in an amazing 22 minutes, this really helped the production. The Statue of Liberty then flew into the air and a new Statue of Liberty, now red, instantly replaced the old one.

FBI raids TNN headquarters!

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The Feds raided our headquarters three hours ago because they thought we had Joe Buckaroo with us, luckily we didn’t and all they did was take all of our community pineapple out of our fridge. Too bad the FBI didn’t check in our freezer were Joe may or may of not been hiding. They checked the fridge, but the freezer was too warm for them. Remember that if you are harboring a criminal make sure to hid them well. Cheers!

Autumn VS Fall debate leaves the White House completely destroyed! – Oh my! NEWS!

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At the White House today, Donald Trump was having an argument with one of his Body Guards by the name of “Bodenheimer” about if it was Autumn or Fall. Bodenheimer believed it was Fall, as you know, this happened in America. But, Trump believed it was Autumn so they got in an agrument even though they literally are the exact same thing. Donald Trump then pulled out one of his Money-Launchers (Bazookas with money inside) to shoot Bodenheimer out the window. But, while he was falling down he landed on a land mine blowing up the entire White House. Luckly-ish, nobody was killed by this disaster. The Government is now re-building the White House, though it is speculated to take multiple weeks for the entire thing to be rebuilt.

BREAKING NEWS: Thanks to group effort, Joe Buckaroo escapes!

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Joe Buckaroo is know for blowing up Turkey (nobody died btw) and also releasing good information to the people about the United States government. He was captured in California, and was transported to some high-tech facility, but thanks to a stolen US ARMY plane, a fake news company (totally not TNN), and a-lot of smoke he has escaped.

A fake news company and some of Joe’s friends stole a US ARMY plane and landed it in the prison, after releasing tons of smoke bombs, they came down on ropes and got Joe out of the prison. #GoJoe

Joe Buckaroo was found in California living in a forest eating lasagna! – BREAKING NEWS!

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Joe Buckaroo: The man who blew up Turkey, and more importantly, revealed hidden information about the government and TNN, has been spotted. He was eating lasagna from Papa’s Mmm Goodies run by Papa Pie, he was later sent to prison for helping Joe Buckaroo get away. The police instantly took Joe Buckaroo in and the case will be started on October 5th to figure out if should be put into prison for his entire life, or if he will get out scott-free. We will have an update once the case has happened.

New pizza is getting talked about due to their Possum Pizza! – You won’t believe this!

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There is a new pizza place taking over the country called “Please, Pizza”! They are known for their surprisingly healthy pizza with different ingredients to make them healthier, but still taste just as good. But, Please, Pizza has been revealed to have been using Possum as a replacement to pepperoni as they are healthier. But, it is illegal in America to eat possum, which caused Please, Pizza to close down instantly.