The Bestest Fake News on the Internet!
The COOKIES are GONE. The Broccoli has reigned supreme with their brussel sprout minions. The have the cookie castle, the milk river and the COOKIE people. Dun, dun, dun! Why must this happen. The horror, the horror! The have the people imprisoned and all the chocolate stolen from cookie ville. More news will come in the future. For now live with Broccoli and veggies.
That’s right people! The 46th president of the United States of America has ran off into the wilderness! It happened earlier today. Biden was eating 3 medium-sized pancakes at 8:37 am in the morning (as usual), when he suddenly stood up, jumped through an open window, and ran away! The SWAT team and the FBI are searching for him as we speak. Let’s hear from some of Biden’s friends about this topic:
“I can’t believe he didn’t finish his pancakes!” – White House cook
“I think I’ll go join him!” – Kamala Harris
“Who are you? And why are you interviewing me?” – Random person on the street
“I’ve never heard of a more beautiful story.” – President Barack Obama
The FBI believed they spotted Biden in Oregon, which is where they are searching right now, while the SWAT team covers the area around the White House. Until Biden is found again, President Donald Trump will be taking his place as we’ve just gotten news that Kamala Harris has gone missing, along with many others with relations to the White House. Let’s just hope the world doesn’t end.
So you know Joe Biden, right? Ya’ know, the 46th president of the United States of America, but something you might not know is that he is actually Joe Biden. That’s right, Joe Biden is in actuality Joe Biden! The government is hiding this fact as if the world knew that Joe Biden was actually Joe Biden they’d be in big trouble, but luckily us at TNN, obviously the most trustworthy news site on the internet indeed knows this fact. Soon I, ownernick, will tell the rest of the world and properly punish the government! Except I won’t because that sounds too hard.
I like cookies. Cookies are good! Cookie, cookie, cookie. That is why i’m writing about them. They have chocolate and dough and sugar. Why must they be so good. I want them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There has been rumors that there has become a cookie shortage. We have 3 days till’ they are all gone. When they are all gone the apocalypse will start and broccoli will rein supreme. We will be ruled by BROCCOLI!!!! Dun, Dun, DUUUUN!!! Later news will come later about this event.
days
hours minutes seconds
until
Cookies Run Out!!!
Back when this site started in late January we had a dream, to make a news site for the people. One where users could learn about the world around them. One where we could gather and be a family. We have accomplished this dream, and this site is done. 2019 was a great year, but 2020 can be better. We have future projects to work on, so from all the staff at TNN, goodbye.
At the White House today, Donald Trump was having an argument with one of his Body Guards by the name of “Bodenheimer” about if it was Autumn or Fall. Bodenheimer believed it was Fall, as you know, this happened in America. But, Trump believed it was Autumn so they got in an agrument even though they literally are the exact same thing. Donald Trump then pulled out one of his Money-Launchers (Bazookas with money inside) to shoot Bodenheimer out the window. But, while he was falling down he landed on a land mine blowing up the entire White House. Luckly-ish, nobody was killed by this disaster. The Government is now re-building the White House, though it is speculated to take multiple weeks for the entire thing to be rebuilt.
Yesterday, Dwayne Johnson had an unforgettable rap battle with The Rock! This is the result:
Dwayne Johnson: You are really ugly, you tuglie puglie!
The Rock: Well you just dissed yourself because you are literally me!
Dwayne Johnson: Nuh-uh, you must be delusional!
The Rock: Well ok, bye!
Then the Rock left the stage and they had the audience decide who won the battle, the results were:
Dwayne Johnson – 99.9%
The Rock – 0.1%
BREAKING NEWS HERE AT TNN NEWS HEARDQUARTERS! In France, the very famous vegetable/fruit/idk is now illegal in that area. This has been met with very controversial statements from the people of France. People are saying that it is taking away their rights as people, which is probably a stretch but it was still a jerk move on France’s part. That’s literally it, great content on this site.
The popular guy you might’ve heard of by the name of Donald Trump has once again changed his gender from a sandwich to a Gender Blender. This was due to “sandwiches not being hip anymore, sandwiches are basic, I’m not basic. I am a blender, those are hip with the kids, right?”. This decision is very controversial with the people of this planet though, as they consider this foodist, thinking that sandwiches aren’t hip. But, I must do something I don’t like doing, defending Trump. If he is a Blender, let him be one, you gosh darn jerk.
This is an update to the Part 1 (in January) of the rap battle, it can be found here.
Donald Trump: You look like a frog, yet you smell like a dog
Theresa May: That may be true, but you should be placed in a zoo
Donald Trump: You should sit on a stump, because your way worse the Trump
Theresa May: Whatever floats your boat, you little dust coat
Donald Trump: Your intelligence is depleting, and your overheating
Theresa May: I’m overheating, yet you look like you just took a beating
Donald Trump: Whats up with you, you just look like goat’s rue
Theresa May: A plant you say, that’s overly cliche
Us at TNN are care very much about the world, so our site will be closed on the 20th, but there is another reason for this as well. Us as TNN News will be storming Area 51 in the Area 51 Raid. Ownernick will be a Kyle, Samesqurriely will be a tactical sniper, and the rest of us will be Naruto Runners to quickly dodge bullets and get into the base to try and quickly get into the Area 51 base. We will see all the aliens, the long lost dads, the real-life shreks, and we will find that all 4-wheel working cart! We will post what we experiences during the raid on September 21st, 2019 as the site will be down on the 20th.
-Ownernick
Have you of the Mustard Man? Well I will tell you about him today. He is a naked stocky man with mustard covered all over his body, he also has no arms. Every other Thurdays he drives in his green tractor to deliver mustard to all the children who come by the wheat field in the boring part of Calfornia. It might be a long drive, but it is worth it for all the free mustard from this yellow fellow. There are many conspiracies about the Mustard Man and his dark past. Some people think that he used to be John Wilkes Booth due to his similar mustace, but this is proven incorrect because these people are stupid because John Wilkes Booth is dead. But, we can all agree, now matter what his part is, he is a great guy just doing something for all to enjoy!
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