The Bestest Fake News on the Internet!
A NEW MOVIE HAS COME OUT. It’s called “Stone”. The new movie is the Biggest Movie in the world. Opening day was last weekend. Just on opening day 300 Billion people saw it. No other movies were playing in all of the theaters in the US. The movie got more than five stars. That’s the first in history. It got 80 Stars. World record!!!!! So go see it. You won’t regret it. π π π π π π π π π π π π π π
New milkshake store called Mr. Pickle’s Pickle Shake. Right now there is a sale for pickle shakes, their signature shake. If you try it will taste super good. I tried it and it tasted like a pickle in chocolate. The recipes secret, but I can say that it contains lava, plutonium, and mushrooms. It’s located on Pickle St. and Deadly Rd. The shakes there are to die for. The sale only lasts for 30 more seconds. So go on over. You won’t regret it.
Normal car batteries have been proven faulty and are now under inspection bye NASO, a space company. They are testing it’s efficiency and how often it needs to be replaced. For now society needs to use only electric cars. People are now debating if this is fake or people were just telling stories. Spies are looking for answers. This is all we know for right now.
A few thousand llama-corns came to the city of Squirrel-Topia and turned it competently rainbow colored. It’s been reported that somebody’s house turned into a llamacorn. No one can figure out why and from where these llamacorn’s are coming from. Scientists say that they came from another planet in our solar system. If so it will prove that there is life on another planet. They would call this planet corn. This theory is called project #1346521467. The space company called Naso is making a mission to see exactly if this theory is true.
A witch time traveler named Barb helps move the boulder from the Squirrel City Zoo. She was caught on camera. People say that she came from the future and moved the big boulder to help in society later on, but she didn’t realize that it would cause a big fuss. Scientists say that no matter what, you can’t change the past, only the present. People finally found her hat too. Real magic was found and is now getting studied.
TNN is developing a WL (weekly learning) school! This online school will post weekly lessons about necessary topics! We have Social Studies, Music, Art, Science, Lunch (yes, lunch), Mathematics, Language Arts, and Spanish! Every lesson includes bonus facts. TNN News WL School will open May 17, 2019 (in 2 days). Everyone’s already raving about it! One of our TNN respondents, angelsexe, was tackled earlier today (3 minutes ago)! The school will be led by me, totallynotfrench, with assistance from other TNN staff members! This school’s gonna be a greeeaaatt one!
One of the Squirrel City Zoo’s rocks (boulders) has mysteriously moved across the parking lot. A huge boulder from the entrance of the Squirrel City Zoo has moved across the parking lot and was found on another, smaller boulder which was a rock from ancient times. People used the smaller rock for grinding. They also found a bit of corn on the big boulder. Investigators are searching the site for more evidence. But investigators do have a chance to see exactly who did it. There were security cameras around, but weren’t checked or used in years.
A llama in North Korea got Ischaemic heart disease three days ago. This llama was named Fredster. His parents are Fredmont and Fredmita. He has younger brother named Fredlock and an older sister named Fredsista. Anyways, back to the real topic. Fredster was diagnosed with the disease on May 12, 2019, at 8:01 pm. His father ran him to the hospital immediately. Now, the hospital does not serve llamas, but they both made llama eyes (basically puppy eyes but with a llama touch), making the nurse and attendant go under a trance of llama love. They were not able to cure Fredster, but are treating him with Aspirin. We now take some time to pray for his future survival……..Oh lord, we hope that our beloved Fredmont survives, that Mrs. and Mr. Llama live well, and that churches don’t get taxed. Amen………We at TNN News know that this can be a tough time for parents, so read our parents’ guideline to treating sick children! Coming soon!
Grellow is a color in between green and yellow; and now it’s in the rainbow! Look in the sky for proof! Grellow is a color discovered by Romulus in 75689065 B.C. Legend says that it was destined to be in the rainbow; now it is! For 75691014 years it has been waiting! I…I…..I……(crashing noise). *THE Reporter has fallen asleep. Due to this, the article must end…… after I finish it! When Romulus discovered grellow in the caves of Roome (previous version of Rome), his older brother Rufus tackled him and gave him a stuffed ostrich. Roome’s legacy was to have the ostrich known in every way possible! Even the death of Brandon ( π¦ ).*
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