Category: Information

It seems that I, ownernick, have made a terrible error in the recent article titled “.201”. This error is unforgiveable and I don’t mind if you can’t forgive me for it. I stated in the that article that it was the 201st article on this website when in actuality it wasn’t. I can’t believe a mad genius like I could make a mistake similar to of a dirty, dirty hog would make. Again, I apologize and I shall now go to knitting class which I have an A in, not to brag or anything but I’m probably better at knitting than you!

The following story you are about to read is something written around 2-3 years ago. It was written by me (ownernick) & Samesquirrely and we would switch who wrote each Day. So enjoy this gruesome story!

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Day 1: I have finally made it onto the Awesome People Squad (APS). I am so proud of my well being. My friend Samuel did not make it on the team, so I laughed in his face. Then Samuel said he did not want to be friends anymore. So, I punched him right in his nose, I missed of course. Then, I was sent to the principal’s office. The principal said that I am a very bad student and I should be rewarded with death. So, I cut his head off. Then Samuel, that little brat punched me and I fell to the ground.

Day 2: I am in the hospital, i’m so glad because school is worse then jumping off a cliff. I don’t think anyone in this hospital knows what I have done. They are all acting like I saved 18 puppies. I am deciding to make a plan to escape this country and go to Mexico, #GoZacatepac. I will buy seasons tickets to Zacatepac games tomorrow, and tomorrow I will catch a uber/lift (whichever is cheaper) to Mexico. Hopefully I will not have to go back to the horrible and I mean horrible school ever.

Day 3: I got a little impatient, so I kinda killed everybody in the hospital and left. I was walking to catch a Uber (Because it was cheaper.). When I saw one I ran over to it and got in. But, the person driving the car was Samuels’ dad. He heard about what happened and kicked me out of the car, down a cliff, and into a Grandma’s house. The Grandma had a heart attack and died. I stole the Grandmas gun and ran out of the house and started to shoot. I shot and killed 49 people and stabbed 37 people. Then I ran at the Uber, jumped into the car, killed Samuels dad, and drove off.

Day 4: After that small incident I decided to go to Mexico, here I come. U.S. border agents started chasing me and I took their car and drove into Mexico before sideswiping a parked car. I ran into a coffee at Starbúcks and got a grande green tea before running out the back and grabbing a car and speeding down the road now involved in a high speed chase with 7 cars, 2 motorcycles, and a helicopter. I turned left and saw a blockade of 4 vehicles. I stopped my car, jumped out an ran, there was now 2 helicopters after me. I heard cops yelling “get on the ground”, so I tried to shoot ,but I guess there is only a hundred bullets in a gun.

Day 5: They then shot me and I fainted. Then, I woke up in a prison with ugly clothes on. There I met Sarah. She did death. Then the guards saw this and put me in a more high class cell. I was mad. So, I punched the wall and it blew open. I ran out the door stabbing 15 guards and fell onto a car. The person driving the car was Samuel. He knocked me out and stuffed me in his trunk. 

Day 6: After Samuel stuffed me into his ugly goat smelling car trunk. He took me to his grandma’s house except he didn’t know that his grandma was actually my best friend. She knocked Samuel to the ground pulled out a tennis racket and hit him hard with it. I thanked and gave 100$ to her, she said you better go before someone comes looking for you. I left and saw a little boy and the little boy pulled out a iPhone 8+ and dialed 911. I took the tennis racket Samuel’s grandma gave me and slapped him silly, he decided to run.

Day 7: After I destroyed that kids feelings I grabbed a spaghetti machine I found on the ground, ran into the Starbúcks, kicked the employees in the face for making my green tea frappe thing wrong. That’s for making the smallest size be called tall. Then, I ran out and saw Samuel who looked like a ferret that has been in the blender for an hour. So, I punched him in the face 50 times and he fell to the ground, I hate him. Then, I went to a U.S. Army base and stole all of the guns and killed all the people I saw which was about 456 people. Then the boss knocked me out onto the ground.

Day 8: After the boss knocked me to the ground I jumped up, climbed the stairs and got a bucket of paint and threw it at his face. He didn’t like it that much. I ran and hijacked a 1992 Toyota Porsche. I drove it around and saw an old lady crossing the street at about -17 mph. I helped her get across the street and then she thanked me by hitting me with her purse. I pushed her back into back street the police saw me. They got into the car and followed me but the 1992 Toyota Porsche can really drive fast. They called in for back-up and soon enough there was 18 cars, 2 helicopters and 1 random car with Samuel’s mom inside. I jumped out of my cars sunroof and into a Starbúcks, I hid in the storage room.

Day 9: While I was in the Starbúcks, Samuel’s mom walked in and found me. She hit me in the face 563 times, I was not hurt one bit. I grabbed her neck and bashed her head against a window, she died. Then the cops and Samuel’s Uncle came in to the room. It was an all-out brawl. People hitting other people and people getting killed. I killed 34 cops and really injured Samuel’s Uncle. Then I ran out, but there were 12 cops surrounding me. I fought as long as I could, but soon I was knocked out and was put back in jail.

Day 10: The cops put me in jail, sadly they didn’t know I had found a hole in the wall. They started to shout as I ran through the hole. I left the prison and took a 2007 Ford Tesla. The police chased me again. They thought I needed fuel so they shut down all gas stations near me. They didn’t notice I was driving a Tesla. They decided that they didn’t want to chase me and left the chase to go to a Dunkin Donuts. I ran into the donut shop and held every one hostage the clerk gave me 14 dozens donuts. I threw the donuts at the clerk and shot everyone, only one person survived.

Day 11: It was Samuel and his Uncle, they were alive. So, I hit Samuel’s Uncle and he died. Now it is just me and Samuel. He had a gun, so I hit it out of his hands. Then I kicked him off a cliff to never be seen again, but that didn’t happen. He shot me. As I fell to the ground, Samuel looking deep into my eyes. I would’ve never forgot what he said if it wasn’t for the fact that I died. But, he said “Ha ha, sucks to be you, you fat ugly doo-doo head.” I then never opened my eyes again.

The news is news. It’s news. It’s news. You can’t argue. I swear if you argue that it’s not news I will beat you. I will do more than beat you actually. I will do something very bad to you if you don’t admit to this being news. This is news. TNN news. And this is the 201st article on this wonderful site. And if you say this site isn’t wonderful. you don’t wanna know what’s gonna happen to you.

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Ok, better projects, nope, nothing good, terrible, 2020, anyways we might post more articles.